The title of this blog felt crazy to type…. But at the same time, for me, it’s so true and actually has a lot of meaning.
Back in June of this year the Lord spoke to me so clearly about the “beautiful sin” in my own life. He did so in the midst of one of the most simple and mundane moments of life. The fact that He spoke to me so clearly in a moment I least expected it lets me know that our Father cares so much about us and the messy details of our lives. That’s comforting.
I was at my dads ranch in Oklahoma helping him plant our garden. We had to drive to the woods to fill bags with sand. As we were driving to the woods, through the pasture, something caught my eye. To paint you a picture, a lot of the grass was dead so what caught my attention really stood out. Orange flowers. The prettiest bundle of bright orange flowers were standing tall among the yellowish, brown dead grass that surrounded them. As we drove by, my eyes were glued to them. I’d never seen them before.
About an hour later, after we had all the sand bags filled and loaded in the truck, we were making our way back through the pasture to the garden. When we passed back by the orange flowers and I had to point them out to my dad.
Me: “Dad look at those orange flowers right there, aren’t they pretty?”
Dad: “Yeah, that’s a weed.”
In that moment the Lord spoke to me so clearly and quickly, it felt like a train hit me. What He told me and convicted me of was this:
Sometimes the sin we are struggling with most, we don’t even recognize it as sin. Even though it’s a firmly rooted weed, we can often times view it as a beautiful flower because it makes us feel comfortable. The outward appearance can be so appealing but what we don’t see is the destruction it causes in our soil. The weed’s roots will take over the other plants causing them to become unhealthy or even die. But how could I uproot a pretty flower from my soil if it’s soooo nice to look at… mesmerizing even? For me, in this moment the Lords sweet conviction is what did it for me. The Lord showed me that my “beautiful sin” that I had been struggling with and didn’t even know it, was self pity. DANG. Self pity?… yeah. I was so fixated on my circumstances because of the pity I had for myself, that I began idolizing my circumstances. They had been taking over my thoughts for months and I didn’t even realize it. all because of my self pity. It had even become my underlying reason for seeking the Lord. My prayers could have sounded like I had the right intentions and motives if you had heard them out loud, but in reality my heart was not in the right place. I was only focused on my selfish motives and my own self pity. I was seeking to feel comfortable again because what I had to sit with seemed too hard at the time.
The Lord truly did turn my heart around after this revelation and I’m so glad He did. All the glory to God, thanks Lord!
This revelation recently came up as I was talking with a friend and it got me thinking…. Was there another weed, a “beautiful sin” that was currently present in my life? There was. And although I was aware of this one, it went a lot deeper and was affecting a lot more in my life than I realized. This sin is fear. I wrote a little bit about my fear in a couple of my previous blogs (you can still go read them if you want to) but I didn’t know how much it was still present in my life. Fear is an aggressive weed and a sin. It’s been slowly taking over areas of my life and has become my subconscious motive for doing the things I do and praying the prayers I’ve prayed. It’s selfish and it shows me the areas of my life I’m not trusting the Lord in. Fear is something that allows me to feel comfortable (as weird as that sounds) because it shows me where I should self protect. This was yet another sweet conviction that has left me in repentance. How kind of the Lord to love me enough to convict me of my sins and call me into a better and more intimate life with Him. Even though it’s hard to face the brutal truth that I’ve been operating out of fear, praise God I’m now more aware of it and can move forward and out of my own self protection and fear.
Is there a beautiful sin in your life? Truthfully I think we all have them, whether we’re aware of them or not. I think that’s all part of being human. It makes me think of a garden. Every garden is going to need some type of maintenance at some point. If you don’t maintain a garden, that’s when it becomes overgrown with weeds. It’s the same thing with our lives. There’s always going to be another weed in need of removal.
For me, asking the lord to highlight specific areas in my life where my sin is the reason for my motives, is always a good start of becoming more aware of my weeds. It’s what I like to call a “heart check”. If you notice yourself becoming angry, frustrated, fearful, bitter, etc… maybe it could be a good idea to go to the Father and let Him check your heart. Let Him show you your weeds. There’s no shame in a good ol’ heart check…. I do them often. They are so needed and so necessary in my life.
Also, thanks God for lavishing us in your perfect grace and love always! And for also being a gentle Father that wants nothing but the best for us!
Okay, so on another note, I’ve been living in Gainesville, doing CGA for a little over a month now and it has been the sweetest time, full of so many blessings! God has gifted me with the sweetest people who have filled my time here. This includes friends who have already been in my life for a little while and new friends who I now couldn’t imagine life without. I’m truly so thankful for them all and I feel beyond blessed that the Lord has me right where I’m at.
Also, on another note, I am still support raising for CGA and I will be emailing out my support letter here in the next 4 days. I’m currently $3,500 away from being fully funded! Incredible! If you’d like to receive a support letter to know more about how you can support me while I’m in CGA, all I need is your email. You can text/call me at 940-230-5097, email me at [email protected] or you can leave a comment on this blog with your email address. Thank you SO much to those of you who have already supported me financially and through prayer. I’m grateful to have people in my life who believe in me and trust the Lord’s plan for my life and where He’s leading me.
Thanks for investing your time into my life by reading this blog,
Love y’all,
Brianne
Ah, yes! I think God gave us pretty weeds to give us a physical image of sin. It can be pretty and inviting, but it’ll take so much more than it will ever give. Glad you shared 🙂
Keep the journey moving forward Bri! We are so proud of you!
“‘Good ol’ heart check”. Hahaha Ahh! I miss you Bri!
I’m so grateful to read to this when I did, just to align my outlook with His today!
Thank you for sharing!
Sooo good Bri and so proud of you (:
Love Love Love! Thanks for sharing!